Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
