Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
