best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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