11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
