shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
