Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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