so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
