Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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