I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
someone threw a dead crab at me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
