i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
