Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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