I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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