I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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