She said her name was "party"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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