Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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