i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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