Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
