I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
