you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
