My brain says no but my pants say off.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
