Small penises have feelings too.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
two words: eviction party
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
