he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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