Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
