Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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