This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
