I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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