i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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