I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
