East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
