Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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