I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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