i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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