haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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