It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
