I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
