can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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