the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
