No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
