Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
