Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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