Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
