I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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