My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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