I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
