mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We named our party play list daddy issues
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
