fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
