how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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