id be glad to
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
