I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
