I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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