she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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