hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
