Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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