I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize