no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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