These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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