if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
