she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's blow job season.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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