He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
