If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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