Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
