it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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