"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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