I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
