Fuck appropriateness.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
