I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
