you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
