yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
