I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
