They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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