I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
