I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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