So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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