Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
