So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize