I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
