Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
