tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize