And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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