Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
