i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's blow job season.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
