Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
