The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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