cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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