i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
