This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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