not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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